Who Cares? With Nurse Jo

Nurse Jo and The Fellowship of Psychonauts: Mutidisciplinary Communities of Psychedelic Practice

Jul 1st, 2024
Audio version of this blog at the end of the post.

“Such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.”

Elrond

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Ring Goes South, The Fellowship of the Ring

Once upon a time, I found myself on a humungous mountain in the Scottish Highlands, that my companions dismissed as a mere hill, with a gentle incline.

Whilst I was scrambling desperately on all fours, my so called friends remained quite upright.

During this challenging climb, a wicked pharmacist from Grimsby bestowed upon me the nickname Gollum, poking fun at my relentless pursuit. The name struck a chord, with both myself and my unsupportive peers, representing a distinct and occasionally estranged part of my personality.

The nickname stuck like glue, taking on a life of its own. It became a symbol of one the my many facets of my personality, long before the Internal Family Systems therapeutic approach gained prominence.

The cautionary tale of Gollum, with his addictive nature and eventual downfall, along with the rich narrative of the characters in ‘The Lord of the Rings’, has always captivated me.

It’s all there for me really. Encompassing themes of good versus evil, sacrifice, the hero’s journey, purpose, friendship, loyalty, care, compassion, courage, creativity, redemption, forgiveness, honour, fun, beauty, magic, nature, the corruptive influence of power, hope, action, and the potential of collaboration in the face of darkness.

These core themes have resurfaced, as guiding forces during my ongoing “psychedelic bender” and exploration of the wider psychedelic space. They shed light on my relationship with the psychedelic experience, the potential therapeutic value of psychedelic substances, the mysterious space they unveil, and the diverse individuals who inhabit these realms, both within and beyond its boundaries.

My precious…

“We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious.”

― J.R.R Tolkein

I’m slightly embarrassed when I think back to the early days, when I was first introduced to the idea that taking a psychedelic substance, with reverence and intention, in a safe & supported setting, has the potential to be a powerful, rewarding experience that can be a catalyst for positive change, deep connection, learning, unlearning, meaning, experience, inspiration, and much more.

Following my first experience of this kind, at a legal retreat centre in Holland. Multiple aspects of my life felt and looked completely different.

This was totally unexpected, as I believed I was fairly well-rounded, luckier than most and happier than many, before being gently invited to “go in.”

In the run up to the experience, a psychologist commented on my apparent happiness and positive outlook, during a pre-retreat data collection interview, that was part of the research study associated with the retreat. My anxiety scores were much higher then, yet I felt they were reasonable, given the state of the world, the challenges of being an adult with young twins, and the reality of doing a job that would make many people’s hair stand on end.

I had signed up for the experience out of curiosity and a love of altered states but ended up with much more than I could ever have imagined.

Now, I want to avoid using phrases like “It’s like twenty years of psychotherapy in a day” to describe my experience. However, for possibly the first time, I had an deep, experiential understanding of many of the themes I had encountered during my work and studies for a Masters Degree in Psychodynamic approaches and other therapeutic modalities such as CBT, ACT, and many other things ending in T. This left me with a strong conviction that these psychedelic tools and containers could potentially be far more beneficial than many of the currently, ineffective resources and approaches available to me and many others, working in the mental health field, at present.

So how does one, particularly one who would have described herself as a raving atheist, or Richard Dawkins’s twin sister, prior to the retreat, process such an event?

When so many of the things you believed to be true, seem to be completely turned on their head. When a contagious wellspring of wellbeing, energy, creativity, connection and reconnection explodes in your little body, mind and life.

I may come back to the Church of England primary school, associated religious trauma and atheism as a defensive response to exposing children to people you wouldn’t leave your dog with for seven hours a day in a later post but for now let’s concentrate on LOVE, LOVE, LOVE….

Well, I processed it by going head first into the greatest love affair of my life. I was full of it, totally sold, completely loved up, an absolute basket case. I was nothing short of unbearable. If you don’t believe me ask around.

Think ADHD restricted interest, on acid. I only had eyes for my new lover, Psilocybin and his mates. NOTHING was going to tear us apart now we’d finally, REALLY found each other after many years of more casual, but very fun hook ups. Who would have thought it? Hidden in plain sight, such a tease.

Some of you may recall a similar stage in your own psychedelic journey. When based on your own positive experiences and the surrounding hype, you had a slight tendency to overvalue the positive aspects of these experiences, whilst playing down or dismissing the more shadowy possibilities. Maybe over-egging the hash cakes and the potential role that psychedelics could have in this troubled world. Bingeing on Terence McKenna recordings and starting to entertain thoughts like “Everyone, including my parents, should do this” , “What if we put LSD in the water?” and “We need to give this to…………………. “, insert world leader of your choice. An idea that would fill many competent psychedelic sitters and psychonauts with total dread.

I was totally smitten, head over heels in love, giddy with excitement and hope. Lost down the rabbit hole of all rabbit holes, bathing in the glory of dopamine of tap.

On reflection, Gollum was probably quite present during this period, silently licking his chops, although he would have been hard to spot, being suitably disguised in Tye Dye, with flowers in his hair, stinking of incense and ignorance.

In Loves Executioner and other tales of Psychotherapy, renowned psychotherapist, Irvin Yalom speaks of how he hates to work with people who are in love. His words may be useful for any budding psychedelic integration coach or poor suffering friend or family member, who is trying to fathom what the fuck has happened to their client or loved one, who seems so radically altered since their recent trip to the Netherlands, the jungle, Glastonbury festival or the like.

“However varied the circumstances, the experience is the same—the lover idealises the beloved, is obsessed with her, often wishing nothing more than to spend the rest of his life basking in her presence.

To develop an empathic relationship with patients in love, you must not lose sight of the fact that their experience is quite wonderful; the ecstatic, blissful merger; the dissolving of the lonely “I” into the enchanted “we” may be one of the great experiences of the patients life. It is generally advisable to express your appreciation of their state of mind and to refrain from criticism of the golden feeling surrounding the beloved.”

Irvin Yalom

https://www.yalom.com/loves-executioner

Ahhhhh my precious, with all your associated magic, energy, beauty, travel, presence , connection, catharsis and sacredness. Almost EVERYTHING I could possibly want in the world, and a relationship. “The dissolving of the lonely I into the enchanted we’” indeed, “just the two of us, making castles in the sky.” The “music ” REALLY” does sound “better with you” my precious.

This made for one of the most profound, glorious and potentially terrifying periods of my life. As like Gollum, my obsession meant that I would have probably followed that bloody ring into the fires of Mount Doom, with my friends, family and children screaming from the sidelines.

Look out for the blog of my poor suffering husband, at some time in the future.

Alas, what goes up, must eventually come down, if only very occasionally.

Interestingly, I had the experience of purging Gollum into a catering size, white, plastic, mayonnaise bucket, during my inaugural purge, at my first Ayahuasca ceremony, during this very same period.

Ahhhh….. if only it was that easy my friends……. The mental health of the nation would be secured and Nurse Jo would the billionaire, superstar, Shawoman of her dreams.

Taxi for Nurse Jo

Luckily for me, I was not alone at this time. I had lots of support and guidance from people living and deceased, who are much wiser and more experienced than me. I was, and still am, tethered, within a network of mentors, peers, friends, family, historical figures and teachings. Like a helium ballon on a string, with the end of the line firmly secured at base camp.

Of course, nearly thirty years of mental health nursing practice, study of the mind, its vagaries, and numerous therapeutic approaches, also served me quite well during this time.

My ground control consists of some amazing examples of human beings. People who I love and respect deeply. Who I want to make proud and would hate to disappoint. People who have knowledge, skills values and behaviours that I admire and try to emulate and propagate through my own work and teachings. People who are nearly as funny as me, although with not as good hair or nails. People who I hope would not hesitate to reel me in, hold me to account, call me a rude name or two, or confiscate my stash, if necessary. Some of them can even spell, understand grammar and know how to use Instagram and other mysterious things.

These special relationships, in conjunction with experiencing lots of different types of medicines and medicine settings, have undoubtedly been my most valuable investment in the psychedelic space to date. I believe this web of experience and support has helped me to ride out the psychedelic honeymoon period and move onto developing a more balanced, mature and nuanced relationship with myself and these experiences. Whilst not chucking water on the psychedelic fire that now rages in my heart. Allowing me to hang on to much of the magic, allure and most of the possibility of these incredible tools.

Of course, I also did some slightly less skilful things during this period. Such as waste of thousands of pounds and lots of time and energy, on mostly online, psychedelic trainings, which on reflection added very little to my existing practice. These courses did teach me a great deal about some of the inherent difficulties in attempting to offer training within the psychedelic space. I also met some truly wonderful people, whom I now consider to be dear friends, so I hold fewer grudges now. Just a real appreciation for the difficulty of the task in hand and lots of ideas going forwards.

That said, I truly wish that instead of spending all that money on something that I wanted, was assured that I couldn’t live without, but didn’t really need. That I’d sent the money, anonymously, by taxi, to the wonderful, often uncelebrated, mentors, elders and teachers who have really helped and nurtured me and countless other people, through real relationship and the sharing of their considerable experience.

Apologies, if some of these good people are reading this now and thinking “Jo you complete idiot, yes you should have totally done that, I told you not to bother with Y & X”, insert expensive course name. I’m truly sorry, keep an eye out for that taxi on the horizon, at some point in the psychedelic future…..

Needless to say, that during my psychedelic bender and baptism of fire, I have been exposed to multiple experiences, settings, medicines, schools of thought, ways of doing things, varying levels of competence and incompetence, trainings, agendas, power struggles, boundary violations and general nonsense that have caused me to reflect both on my, and other peoples relationship to this psychedelic ring of power.

All the while, contemplating HOW and IF, we could even start to integrate these experiences more widely into western medicine and society. By teaching organisations, would be participants, practitioners and communities to use these tools safely, responsibly and brilliantly for the good of many.

So where do we start dear readers? From where I’m sitting, Nurse Jo and the western, psychedelic space appears to be a little confused at the moment.

All that glitters is not Gold

Of course, there has literally been a psychedelic gold rush of late, with so many new people wanting in on this ring making, wearing and bearing obsession. A frenzied craze to be adorned or adorn others, seemingly at any cost.

“Just do it” , “Be there or be square” “Once you pop, you can’t stop”, “Every little helps”, “Because YOU are worth it.”……

Thankfully, Lord Sauron seems to be doing a special “Buy now, pay later” scheme at this particular juncture of the so called “Psychedelic Renaissance”

The are of course a myriad of ring bearing and wearing possibilities for those who find themselves caught up in the furore.

Luckily, for some, if not all of us, Lord Sauron is trying to expand his reach within Middle Earth and is currently hiring.

There is undoubtedly a place in this space for everyone. Well not quite everyone. Come on, you didn’t really expect The Dark Lord to be an equal opportunities employer, did you?

So roll up, roll up, and throw your C.V.’s into the sorting hat, so we can get this shit show on the road.

No credentials, references, ring bearing or wearing experience, don’t let that stop you. After all, how hard could it be? Besides there is a war on.

Mount doom is currently recruiting for the following roles within it’s Psychedelic Space.

Product development and Innovation

We are looking for creatives to help us to give our tired rings a fresh, updated look. Making them fit for purpose for Middle-earth, as it goes to hell in a hand cart.

In recognition of the fact that many of these rings have been in existence and worn for eons, are relatively easy to cultivate or produce, are already widely available to the masses, potentially affecting future profit margins. We are seeking bold individuals to identify and procure the knowledge, materials, and resources related to these old technologies. Identifying gaps in the market & opportunities for differentiation, marketing and promotion.

Previous post holders have done ingenious things. Such as change some of the rings ever so slightly, whilst putting them in special edition boxes, leading to higher perceived values and intellectual property rights, vastly contributing to the war coffers.

Desirable experience – Experience in selling ice to Eskimos.

Social Media Influencers

For this remote position, we require multiple Trolls to lurk in social media sewers.

Presenting yourself as a caring, seeker of justice. You will draw attention to the dangers of ring wearing or bearing, in any circumstances or settings other than our own.

You will expose unscrupulous ring bearers, whilst telling people how you would most certainly use the ring, if only you could get off your laptop or phone.

You will closely monitor the emotional climate of Middle Earth and where necessary, profess the complete opposite opinion to your previous ones, in a relentless pursuit of the firm’s aims and objectives, whilst at the same time, contributing to your personal fortune, likes & followers.

If successful in this mission, many experienced and competent, ring bearing outsiders, who do not share our values and ambitions, will become disillusioned, and throw their dreams, towels and trinkets into the fires of Mount Doom, increasing our market dominance.

Essential requirements – Excellent I.T. skills, a thick skin, two faces, an absence of sleep issues, and the ability to turn on a sixpence.

Product Researchers

It has come to our attention that if you put the rings in the fire, they display strange writing. Of course, at this stage, we don’t really know what this means. After all, how could we? So we have decided to study the rings and their effects on ring wearers in more detail.

For this particular project, we will primarily be concentrating on the upper regions of the body, but don’t worry, we won’t be using OUR bodies. We are actively recruiting people who are unwell and potentially vulnerable as would-be participants.

Successful applicants will not be required to liaise with subject experts outside of the institution.

Essential requirements – A head for figures and attention to certain details.

Security Officers

We are looking for experienced gatekeepers of cure to ensure that only certain people, of our choosing, have access to these rings of power.

Full training will be provided.

Our strict door policy is largely based on arbitrary guidelines, theoretical risks, guess work and lack of direct experience but better sad than sorry.

Working closely with the Social Media Department to exaggerate the risks of ring wearing. You will ensure that if their name is not down, they are not coming in.

Human Resources Manager

In this powerful role, as our Human Resources manager, you will promote your own agendas and pet theories within and outside of the organisation.

Doing your bit for the environment, avoiding wasted training, time and money, by recycling old theories, squeezing them into this new arena.

You will be responsible for ensuring that ring-bearing is only done by people who you deem to be suitable experts. Avoiding the risk that mere mortals with big hearts and basic training turn the psychedelic renaissance into an even bigger shit show.

You will be expected to primarily offer jobs to the boys.

Desirable requirements – the ability to use a shoehorn and preach to to the choir

Head of External Training

For this lucrative, mostly online role. We are seeking those that can’t, to teach, or else bring in other people, from outside organisations, who can teach. To educate enthusiastic ring wearers, and those who are yet to wear the ring, about some aspects of ring bearing.

You will fiercely protect the delusions of many of our students, who hope to be able to obtain, paid, ring-bearing roles, in the future, that unfortunately currently don’t exist for most, and may not be suitable for them even if they did.

You will be an expert in the signalling of virtues and promote ways of working with diverse populations that as yet, we haven’t actually got around to working with.

Essential requirement – Must have a poetic licence and excellent Wi-Fi.

Desired – Sales & marketing experience

Ok, I’m sorry, if I, or this is too much, or a bit close to home for you.

I think we’ve established that I can be a bit of an all or nothing kind of gal. Blame Gollum, Florence Nightingale or my ADHD, just not me…..

It is not actually my intention to offend by presenting these extreme caricatures. Instead I’m hoping we can have a bit of fun together, whilst exploring if there is any space, in the space to think about if there are any better, more skilful, more inclusive and less harmful ways of doing things.

As a mental health nurse, who is of course acutely aware of the high levels of suffering and suicide rates in western society. My primary concern is the many who could so desperately do with a chance to wear the ring, if only for a day or two a year, to help them cope with considerable physical and or mental angst.

Some of these people are well aware of some of the positive research findings and anecdotal evidence about the ring. Yet at the moment, they seemingly have no legal way in. They can only press their sad faces against the glass of a closed jewellery shop.

Many have modest expectations of what such an experience could offer them and they are fairly certain, that given half a chance, they would like to try wearing the ring. Feeling that the amount of risk, compared to what they are going through on a daily basis, is negligible and that it would certainly be worth a try.

I imagine the majority of them would love to wear the ring with the support of a trusted person, who is familiar with the territory and whose main agenda is to be supportive, keep them safe and care very deeply.

Some of these poor people, like Firefighters, Police Officers, Doctors, Nurses and other frontline workers, are unwell as a direct result of the impact of their working life of service to others. It is of course a travesty and a blot on society that we do not honour these people’s contributions, by making sure they have the resources to do their work at it’s highest expression, giving them job satisfaction and self esteem, in the absence of fair financial exchange. We are also seemingly unable or unwilling to expedite access to potential novel treatments when they fall sick.

It is my sense that many of these people are unlikely to require a rigid protocol, a team of highly trained professionals, a specialist clinic, hospital setting, or the like. In fact, I suggest that these things could be potentially damaging for certain individuals. I suspect that many, would possibly be best served in a group setting, within the community. Using multi modal, flexible approaches, rooted in person centred care and an ongoing community of support.

Much of this has led me to re-state most of what I expressed during my 2023 Breaking Convention Talk, with even more conviction. Namely, that supported psychedelic experiences & training, for many, is likely to be best contained and supported within multidisciplinary groups. With an emphasis on community, relationship, learning through experience, reflective practice and care.

The bottom line seems to be, that at the moment, many of us simply can’t be trusted. Ring bearing on our own, or with people who look, think and act too much like us, runs the real risk that we will harm people and fuck it all up again.

Nurse Jo, exit stage left

Introducing the Fellowship of Psychonauts
Fellowship
1. 1. friendly association, especially with people who share one’s interests. “they valued fun and good fellowship as the cement of the community”
2. 2. the status of a fellow of a college or society.”a fellowship in mathematics”
3. a group of people meeting to pursue a shared interest or aim.
4. a guild or corporation.
Oxford dictionary
A mental health nurse, an occultist, artist, and author, a psychotherapist, a coaching psychologist, and a medicine woman walk into an immersive, psychedelic training container and attempt to create an offering that is greater, safer, cooler, and more fun than the sum of their individual parts, and the Fellowship of Psychonauts is born.

Driven by a deep desire to promote psychedelic experiences that are grounded in care, community, diversity, and the pursuit of excellence. These creative explorers welcome in new members of the Fellowship, to deepen their existing relationship with the psychedelic experience, and learn in the ways that suit them best – namely, in relationship, through experience, and social learning opportunities.

They are later joined on their mission by many others, including more nurses, psychotherapists, and authors, along with social workers, midwives, photographers, psychiatrists, celebrants, hypnotherapists, art therapists, integrative counsellors, musicians, property developers, business men and women, accountants, psychologists, learning designers. I.T. consultants, horticulturists and many more.

They embark on a person and group centred journey of learning and connection. Where each member is known personally, supported, and encouraged to explore and develop their individual strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, and position within their current medicine journey and the wider psychedelic space.

They are provided with guidance, friendship, support, encouragement, opportunities to work together, practice new skills under supervision, and obtain knowledge from multiple perspectives. Where no “right way” is put forward, although common values and intentions are explored, to promote value-based ethical practice.

Members at all levels of the Fellowship are encouraged to contribute their existing and developing gifts to the ongoing learning and shared aims of the whole group, including the founding members, who are also learning from each other and the participants in equal measure.

Members are encouraged to “Get in where they fit in” a phrase borrowed from the most inspirational Darren Springer. All roles within the psychedelic space and infrastructure are welcomed and celebrated. Potentially reducing risk and supporting the development of the wider community going forwards.

A community of practice and service that is so much more than a course and the experience of taking drugs aka medicine.

Damn it! I could have put that money in a taxi and sent it back to myself……

Check out Darren’s Springer’s work below, including his amazing mushroom cultivation courses.

https://www.darrenlebaron.com

New Beginnings

So maybe this Fellowship isn’t quite as important or dramatic as the Fellowship of the Rings, but it is important to us. We believe it is a shift from business as usual, and for many of us, it serves as an antidote to some of the crap we currently observe in the psychedelic space. Crap that, if we aren’t careful, will take the shine off our precious treasure.

So what is my role in the Fellowship?

Well I really wanted to be a majestic, beautiful Elf, like Galadriel or Arwen, or a powerful wizard like Gandalf, but I guess I’ll have to leave that to some of the other, amazing, more ethereal and magical, Fellowship of Psychonauts co-facilitators and participants.

When Gollum is having a day off, I guess my role is more akin to a bloody Hobbit. You know, the short, dumpy ones with big, hairy feet?

But in all seriousness, I do believe that nurses and Hobbits often have some shared values that make them ideally suited to avoid the corrupting power of the ring. If you don’t believe me, ask Chat GPT
Nurses and hobbits share several values, despite belonging to different worlds:
1. Compassion: Both nurses and hobbits display a deep sense of compassion. Nurses are dedicated to caring for and helping others in times of illness or injury, while hobbits show kindness and concern for the well-being of their friends and neighbors. Their shared value of compassion drives them to provide comfort and support to those in need.
2. Service: Nurses and hobbits are committed to serving others. Nurses devote themselves to the well-being of their patients, often going above and beyond to ensure their care. Similarly, hobbits value community and are willing to put the needs of others before their own. They engage in acts of service to maintain the harmony and happiness of their society.
3. Resilience: Both nurses and hobbits demonstrate resilience in the face of challenges. Nurses often work long hours, face emotionally demanding situations, and navigate complex healthcare systems. Likewise, hobbits endure hardships and dangers during their adventures, displaying inner strength and determination. Their shared value of resilience helps them overcome obstacles and continue their important work.
4. Teamwork: Nurses and hobbits understand the importance of teamwork. Nurses collaborate with other healthcare professionals to provide comprehensive care to their patients. Hobbits rely on each other’s skills and strengths to accomplish tasks and overcome obstacles. Both value the power of collective effort and recognize that working together yields better outcomes.
5. Integrity: Nurses and hobbits value integrity and ethical behavior. Nurses adhere to a strict code of ethics, ensuring that they provide care with honesty, fairness, and respect for patient autonomy. Hobbits, too, hold themselves to high moral standards, acting with integrity and honesty in their interactions with others. Their shared value of integrity fosters trust and promotes a sense of responsibility in their respective roles.
While hobbits may not possess the same physical or magical prowess as other races, their humility, lack of ambition, and inner strength make them uniquely suited to resist the ring’s corrupting power. It is their unassuming nature and steadfast resolve that ultimately enable them to carry the burden of the ring.

Chat GPT
As well as displaying skills, values and practices that make many nurses uniquely placed to inform and support psychedelic work. Experienced nurses are also often accomplished systems thinkers and expert coordinators of care, with all the associated people and processes involved in delivering it.

During a recent psychedelic retreat in the Netherlands, a wonderful participant, also from a mental health nursing background, who granted, was pretty high, towards the end of a very profound group medicine experience, exclaimed excitedly, whilst giving me one of the best hugs that I’ve had this year,

“This really is the most exquisitely curated psychiatric ward I’ve ever seen.”

You’d better believe it, my dear!

Following the retreat, whilst I believe, attempting to compliment my nursing-informed, conducting, and leadership skills. A dear mentor said, “You are an excellent leader,” quickly followed by, “A leader doesn’t necessarily need to be the cleverest in the group.”

Did you REALLY mean to say that out loud my friend?

It’s ok, I still love you, just not quite as much as before……

So I know what you are thinking. Are you paying this bloke? Would you like to meet my mentor etc? Don’t worry, he is a keeper. To be fair, his wider point was actually that the leader does not necessarily need to be ‘the best’ at anything because that’s not their role. Rather that a leader is often the curator of the process; they gather the right team around them and support them to shine, to accomplish the project successfully. The leader is often the person around whom a community forms.

I guess that’s a bit like what the Hobbits did and many seniors nurses do all the time, so I’ll let him off, just this once….

And of course, I don’t need to be the cleverest, just the FUNNIEST and most PERSISTENT…..

Check out my website or find me on Instagram ( link below) for details of the upcoming, Fellowship of Psychonauts, “Ceremony for Psychonauts” Retreat, with associated six month container.

http://www.nursejo.co.uk

https://nursejo.co.uk/nursejo%40mothershouse

Link below to the audio version of this blog, hosted on the ‘Nurse Jo, in Relationship’ Podcast.

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Nurse Jo on the fiddle….

Dec 18th, 2023

Frodo: ‘I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.’
Gandalf: ‘So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides that of evil
J.R.R. Tolkien , The Lord of the Rings

On 14th April 1912, Wallace Hartley, bandleader on the fated first and final voyage of the Titanic, lead his band to play on the deck of the sinking ship, in an attempt to keep the passengers calm, whilst not enough of them were loaded into lifeboats. Many of the survivors reported the band played until the very end, eventually going down with the ship.

The title of the last song to be played is uncertain, although many suspect it may have been “Nearer, My God, to Thee.” It is reported that 30-40,000 people lined Wallace’s funeral procession, in recognition of this real hero’s journey.

This story touches me on many levels. Of course, it was an exquisite piece of space holding. Using the only things available to him, namely his instruments, team members, outstanding values, skills, attitude and his knowledge of the profound medicine of music, Wallace curated the ultimate playlist to end all playlists, in an attempt to regulate the nervous systems of the terrified people in the crew’s care. One can only imagine how the band member’s stoicism in the face of death may have been a comfort to many. When faced with disaster, Wallace and his colleagues, stepped upped and put service to others above their own fears & needs.

Most of us can only imagine such a heroic act of bravery but we could ask ourselves, “What am I doing and what could I do with my limited time on earth?” As a 47 year old woman, I increasingly reflect on this question, often asking my mentor, other advisors and the medicine ” What should I do?” All of these sages, being infinitely wiser than me, seldom give me a straight answer, instead offering cryptic clues, such as “Move towards pleasurable sensation”, which isn’t as hedonistic as it initially sounds.

Whilst trying to evaluate if what I am presently doing meets the criteria of the first suggestion, or not, or if what I am engaged in could actually be making me a bit too frustrated, sad or sick, another wise soul says things such as “The world is full of poison chalices and the trick is to decide which ones you are going to drink from and how much…. “

Thanks guys…… don’t call me, I’ll call you……

But seriously, I’m well aware that when contemplating a question such as this, we often have the different levels of what

We THINK we are doing,

What we SAY we are doing and

What we are REALLY doing

Of course, these things can be very different.

I like to THINK that as potential tools of learning, my relationship with psychedelic experience has helped me to see some things from different , multiple vantage points and allowed me to loosen some previously held beliefs. Becoming unstuck like this occasionally gives me the possibility to reimagine aspects of myself, my life and to attempt to set a different course.

So what do I THINK I am doing?

I THINK I am trying to set out an approach to psychedelic sitting that is based in the 7 C’s of nursing, namely Care, Compassion, Competence, Communication, Courage, Commitment and Consistency. I would probably add an extra C for Ceremony and maybe even another one for Common Sense…….

I THINK I am trying to reduce harms within the psychedelic space by inspiring and supporting some people who may be “good enough” sitters to do so.

I THINK I may be encouraging some existing psychedelic practitioners, who are already sitting for others, to reflect on their current beliefs and practices, to see if they are actually working for both them and their participants and if everything they have previously been told & taught is useful.

I THINK I am helping my own participants and other people to access psychedelic experience in a way that is as safe, informed, meaningful and as positive as possible.

I THINK I am trying to learn from my own, direct experience and to try to be a bit better than I was yesterday.

In terms of wider aims. Am I going to change the troubled world for the better by dishing out drugs? Am I trying to single handedly address the mental health issues of the nation? Am I a light worker, connected to source, vibrating at a higher frequency than most? Am I doing anything that many other people couldn’t do with the right support, experience, interest and the same desire to care? I very much doubt it. Besides, when I see all the terrible things that are currently happening in the world, I wonder if I too am just playing the violin on the Titanic. If so, I guess I’m ok with that, I can think of worse things to do with my time……
Bye, bye, baby, bye bye

Oct 8th, 2023

“I’ll take you up to the highest heights, let’s spread our wings and fly away.

Surround you with love that’s pure delight, release your spirits, set you free”
Baby D

No jokes from Nurse Jo this week, as she pays respect to her family and disrespect to the barbaric drug policies of this green and pleasant land. Those that are preventing her and over ninety five thousand other mental health nurses in the UK, from having access to tools that could undoubtedly help some of the most vulnerable people in society.

We cremated my cousin yesterday. Anthony, known as Baby Tony to me, on account of the fact I also had an uncle Tony, was less than a year older than me, at 48. He died in a hostel for the homeless, as a result of the complications of alcoholism.

Of course, funerals are often sad, however it’s very difficult to celebrate the life of someone who died so young and was clearly very troubled.

Tony left behind many, including his parents, older sister and a strapping 21-year-old son. He was not in contact with any of them at the time of his death.

Tony’s sister-in-law did her best to recount some of his finer moments, including when he was an amazing skateboarder (sponsored by Santa Cruz), a keen local graffiti artist and an impressive jungle DJ. I couldn’t help but wonder if all this, in conjunction with his impulsivity, fiery temperament and a tendency to borrow, yet not return records, was indicative of attention deficit disorder, undiagnosed & untreated. I wondered if this had led to his addiction.

Despite “his demons” , as they were referred to during the service, he was a well liked, gentle soul with the gift of the gab. This was demonstrated by the many people, from diverse backgrounds, packing the crematorium and later the local Brockley Jack pub, in South London.

It was evident at the funeral, just how many people had tried to help Tony, in whatever ways that were available to them. Some paid for rehab, offered housing, counsel, attended court appearances that he didn’t show up for and countless other things.

I myself sought advice from some of my teachers and peers, about if psychedelics could help him. Discussing how anyone might pull off such a feat, knowing he would have to be under the influence during any dosing session, for fear of physical withdrawals. He was also in a precarious living situation, which would possibly make any aftercare and integration difficult.

I had several drunk conversations with Tony (him not me…), where he assured me, as I’m sure he did to many others, that I was the only one who understood him and that he really DID want help. Unfortunately, he was seemingly too far gone at this stage and in the end he only really seemed to want money from me. This is a terrible situation for any loved one, as you don’t know if you should just give them money, or if you are actually harming them further by doing so. Some of the advice people are often given is that families need to practice “tough love” and that people need to reach their “rock bottom” etc. I often use the saying in other arenas that “it’s hard to save someone who seems unwilling to participate in their own rescue”. I don’t have the answers but this must of been hideous for his immediate family, who have been waiting for the police to knock on the door, with the worst news for years.

I’ve seen so many people change their relationships with things that were not serving them, such as problematic recreational drug and alcohol use, through their psychedelic experiences. It’s hard not to wonder if more could have been done for Tony. What if help could have been provided earlier? What if we lived in a culture where the potential of drugs to be used as medicine was properly recognised? What if systems were in place for people like me to have access to ANY tools that could help us to do the job of nursing that I have dedicated thirty years of my life to?

After all, I and many others have witnessed things in psychedelic ceremony that would look like miracles to most. Such as people who were suicidal in the morning, being quite well by teatime, or those with twenty years of treatment resistant depression, who hadn’t really left the house for years, suddenly finding themselves quite mobile and in a world that seemed far less scary, where there was now hope.

Of course, I could go on, and on, and on, and on, such is my tendency to overshare and get stuck down rabbit holes but you get the gist.

Godspeed DJ Lucks
Nurse Jo’s call to arms

Sep 23rd, 2023

How many times have people used a pen or paintbrush because they couldn’t pull the trigger?

Virginia Woolf

Welcome

Welcome narcissists! Oh, I don’t mean you, or do I…………?

I’ve been greatly encouraged by the enthusiastic responses I’ve had to my first potty mouthed purge. That said, as is often the case for those of us in a relationship with the medicines, I’ve had a perspective shift, aka a shroom zoom, since I wrote it.

I’ve realised that whilst it’s all well and good to preach to the converted. There are others who may also benefit from hearing about an approach to psychedelic experience that prioritises care and harm reduction before all else. Besides, I don’t really hate narcissists, although I couldn’t eat a whole one…

After all, we all possess narcissistic tendencies, although some of us may be more self-aware than others. A few of us have also learnt from bitter experience, that unfortunately you can’t wear the psychedelic ring of power all of the time. As said previously, more about that later. N.B. If you are reading this and thinking “SHIT! I didn’t realise that (grimacing face emoji with clenched teeth).” Don’t worry! We can all work on this together and if worse comes to worst, I know a good nurse who will happily accompany you to the nearest accident and emergency department, to get the offending article cut from your finger.

The work

The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face it
Terence McKenna

I am currently trying to face and embody some of the insights I have received during my own recent medicine experiences. Letting go of some things that are no longer serving me, such as an over reliance on alcohol to quiet my overactive mind, reevaluating some important relationships and trying to decide what is the best use of my limited time here on Earth.

I guess this is what some people describe a “doing the work” and this can be evidenced by how bloody hard it can be at times.

Many of us in the Western world are pretty accomplished at the “calling in” aspect of intention setting and a little less practiced at the art of letting things go and being grateful for what is already here.

Although I do occasionally, cautiously use the term “the work.” I sometimes find the phrase, often used to describe the activities we may choose to do as part of our integration process following a psychedelic experience, triggering. My aversion usually arises when someone else enforces their interpretation or model of what “the work” should look like or when it’s used to suggest the reason a person hasn’t made the progress they, or their facilitators had hoped for, is because they haven’t really tried hard enough (observed by me in clinical settings) , or else they haven’t been willing to let things/spirits go (also observed by me in more spiritual arenas).

STOP F’ING BLAMING YOUR PARTICIPANT
NURSE JO 2023

This issue will undoubtedly warrant a blog post of its own at some point, it seemingly being so rife within so many psychedelic settings but please don’t blame your participant, their background, social economic status, colour, ethnicity, parents, shoe size, or star sign etc. For things that could actually be your fault, due to lack of experience, observation, expertise, substance competence, or that of the organisation, setting, process, culture etc. Or else, just happen, because life is complicated and psychedelics are not a simply a pharmacological intervention or a miracle cure for every ill. Doing this not only makes you look a bit stupid but it arguably prevents you from using your agency to help or change the situation and could harm the people in your care.

Right where was I? Focus Jo, back to the work.

Of course, some of the most important downloads, insights, guidance that we often get from these experiences aren’t rocket science (unless of course you ARE a rocket scientist). They are often rather simple prompts or reminders, like it’s ok, move your body, go outside, get more sleep, eat well, slow down, pay attention, consume less, be kinder, pick up that guitar/pen/paintbrush/trowel and spend more time with people who make you feel good etc. Most of us already know these things may make us and others feel better but there is often something about the psychedelic experience that can help us to do the things we say we want to do with a bit more grace and ease.

I remember how a seriously mentally unwell person recently recounted, following a series of profound medicine journeys, how she used to think her previous lack of progress was due to laziness, was therefore a character deficit and she simply hadn’t been trying hard enough. Now she was doing the same things as before but they just felt easier to do and she was consequently having more success.

We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what we can do in a year
Someone wise

Although not terribly sexy, it’s often small changes, done regularly such as adding a daily walk or consuming a little less social media, food or booze, that over time add up to significant and lasting changes.

Letting go, not giving up

Another thing I let go of this week was my shotgun licence. My husband is a farmer. Although sometimes seldom used, most farmers have access to guns, if only to be able to respond to an occasional situation, such as a seriously injured deer, the cycle of birth and death never being far away.

My husband was also a competitive Olympic Skeet shooter, at one point, shooting for England. This stopped when the anxiety of competing took all the joy out of the process and he went back his other restrictive interest, sailing.

I obtained my own licence during this phase, although I never really got into it. This licence was due for renewal this week but I decided to let it lapse, as I have no need for it and the absurdity that I am allowed to possess a gun, yet not a mushroom is not lost on me. And I am supposed to be the one with learning difficulties???.

A call to arms

Although this may arguably put me at somewhat of a a disadvantage during the impending apocalypse, I’m feeling more inclined to take up a different weapon for now, a pen. Although not really a pen because the reality is I will have to dictate these posts onto my phone, as this is the only way I will be able to do them because, not only am I a Nurse and a Psychedelic Nurse at that but I am a Neurodiverse Psychedelic Nurse (I know, just when you thought I couldn’t get any better) and this will undoubtedly present its own unique challenges whilst attempting this task.

Of course, I am curious about a culture and education system that seems designed, or rather rigged in such a way that it makes it more difficult for certain groups to express themselves and less likely to be listened to when they do so but where there is a will, there is a way, they say.

I definitely have plenty of will, in part because I am so very angry about a few things that I have observed recently from people who should know better and whom many of you would think do know better because they either keep saying so or because of the considerable space they occupy within the psychedelic space.

Now, some wise, possibly MDMA fuelled souls out there might caution me about being a psychedelic party pooper, who calls people out in the space, who are just doing their best but my friends, there are times when “doing your best” simply isn’t good enough. In fact, it may even be downright dangerous and besides, I blame it on Florence Nightingale, she is making me do it, channelling her will through my tongue and hands.

So I ask you, my early supporters. What will your contribution to this effort be, if any? Maybe you have ideas, skills, connections, questions, medicines, music, experience, influence, resources, organisational or I.T. skills (please tell me at least one of you has I.T. skills). Maybe your contribution will simply be to give moral support, put the kettle on or help Debbie to hold onto my leg (another instruction during one of her medicine journeys).

So choose your weapon and come join me because we’re going to start Flo’s Psychedelic Caregiving Army. Not like the shit Flo’s Army that the government hoped to pluck out of thin air, to get a good headline and staff the expensive, empty and redundant, Nightingale Hospitals, during the first wave of Covid pandemic. Poor Florence must have been turning in her grave. She would have attacked that particular problem with a spreadsheet and a pie chart, not her lamp, unless of course she was using it to whack someone, like a politician, over the head.

No a real army of cool people, with big hearts, hands and smiles, committed to the principles of psychedelic caregiving, to be explored and confirmed through this blog and elsewhere.

“So what will I get in return?” I hear you (particularly the narcissists) say.

Well I’m afraid Nurse Jo is all out of unicorns, pixie dust and promises of eternal life but I can bang out the odd playlist, a few jokes and I’m pretty good at taking drugs, I mean medicines.

So let’s get this party started.

Forever yours

Nurse Jo
Hello World!

Sep 17th, 2023

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Nurse Jo finds her voice and her name

Sep 17th, 2023

“Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.” Florence Nightingale

“My name is Jo, and I am a nurse and I am a psychedelic nurse.” These words opened my presentation at Breaking Convention 2023, Europe’s largest psychedelic conference. During this talk, I presented an argument that the skills, values, and practices within nursing have direct relevance to psychedelic space holding (now to be known as psychedelic caregiving) within various settings. I argued for person centred, multimodal approaches to understanding and supporting the psychedelic experience and drew on wisdom from the vast lineage of nursing that I am proudly part of.

Breaking Convention draws individuals from around the world, offering a platform to delve into a wide range of topics relevant to the current psychedelic discourse. The presentations, each 30-minutes in length, are recorded and made available, online, for free, allowing any interested individual to access them. The talks also form part of the future psychedelic history books.

It’s now difficult for me to imagine that I almost didn’t speak at the conference, feeling completely overwhelmed whilst trying to submit an abstract, fearing the judgement of the readers. I wasn’t sure if I had earned the right to speak about anything with any authority and I was concerned I wouldn’t have enough valuable or interesting insights for my audience. Additionally, I worried how my broad Essex accent and vocabulary would be received in an environment where esteemed academics and experts were presenting their extensive work. This hang up about my working class roots, accent and any associated judgement has a repetitive nature for me and although I am aware it can be somewhat of a superpower when working therapeutically with individuals, it has hampered my willingness to step up, in other arenas in the past.

Fortunately, I received tremendous support and encouragement from many people, especially from my dear mentor Julian who has always encouraged me to be myself (nice hair and nails included) and to speak from the heart, assuring me that my indifference towards speaking, compared to some, was precisely why I should speak and that my reflections and experience within the psychedelic space had value. Or from my beautiful cousin and co-facilitator Debbie, whose words “just do you darling” are always ringing in my little pixie ears Another wonderful source of encouragement came from my close friend Kirran (aka the K-man or rather the K-woman to me), who is the lead medic on the Psilocybin for chronic pain trial at Imperial College. Kirran, who has always spoken passionately about the role of the nurse and of the often special relationship between Dr’s & Nurses, had the inspirational idea that I could practise using my voice by sending voice messages to her, instead of the lengthy texts I was used to sending, checking and reading each one multiple times before pressing send. Kirran responded to my early attempts to do this (“Look Mummy, I’ve done a poo!”) with the care and enthusiasm of a mother encouraging a young child to master a new task. Little did Kirran, Julian & Debbie know that once I found my voice, it would become quite difficult to shut me up………

Interestingly, those opening lines of my presentation became the ones I practised the most, pacing my retreat space, repeating them, often never actually getting past them to the rest of the content. Over time, I realised how the words seemed to develop a power of their own. I believe this was in part because, as I collected my thoughts for the presentation, I was rediscovering my deep passion for nursing and care and that I had somehow lost touch with this in the midst of the excitement about my shiny new psychedelic career. In fact, the power and force of those words were such that I arrived at the convention as Joann Mallett and left with the new medicine/working name of, Nurse Jo.

I had previously discussed the possibility of changing my medicine name with my mentor and others, as I had always felt somewhat uncomfortable with my married name, Mallett. Taking on my husband’s name had never felt entirely natural to me, as I had a fondness for my maiden name, which reflected my Maltese heritage. However, I decided that a return to Borg (think Cyborg etc.) may not be the most suitable name within the psychedelic space. Despite exploring different possibilities and variations on a theme, nothing seemed to resonate until the moment I finished my presentation. From then on, and for the remainder of the conference, I frequently found myself surrounded by other nurses, eager to connect with a nurse within the psychedelic field. Thus, Nurse Jo was born, or rather reborn, a familiar experience for many who have a relationship with psychedelic experiences.

Obviously, the name Nurse Jo needs little explanation and you mostly get what you see on the tin but for me it also says a lot about what I am not and what I do not wish to be i.e. a psychedelic therapist, Shawoman or the like. I have been a nurse for nearly thirty years and although I may be working with a particular tool (i.e. psychedelic medicine) at the moment, I would drop it at a moment’s notice, if I felt it no longer served the people within my care or if something more helpful/effective came along.

I had an eventful drive to the conference in Exeter from London, swinging past Heathrow to pick up the infamous underground psychedelic therapist, Dr Frederike Meckel Fischer (formally a nurse), gifter of the rope ritual that now opens psychedelic space within many settings from the farm, to research and the jungle. I pulled up at the university, kicked Frederike out of the car, legged it to my room, within a minute of the first, online preparation call for the last participant on the Psilocybin for Eating Disorders trial at Imperial College. I had been drafted onto this study at quite short notice and had originally only been intended as a back up. This was the first meeting of what was to become a very profound experience for the participant, my fellow guide and now dear friend, Frederico Magalhaes (another shit hot Dr and nursing supporter) and I.

The logistical details of my speaking arrangement were released late, just before the start of the conference. I was thrilled to discover my talk would form part of a panel on Psychedelic Caregiving. I would be speaking after my wonderful mentor, Julian Vayne, and before a lovely psychiatrist, Andy Gibson. Andy works on the frontline in mental health services and is also part of an organisation called PsyCare, which provides care and support to festival goers experiencing challenging drug experiences. This was the first time I had encountered the term “psychedelic caregiving,” and I later learned that Julian and Nikki Wyrd (the panel’s chair and director of the conference), had carefully considered this term. It’s roots in care immediately resonated with me, aligning with my approach to psychedelic work.

I concluded my presentation with an amended version of the Nightingale pledge, where I made a declaration to be in service to the psychedelic medicines, to elevate the nursing profession, and to devote my working life to the people under my care.

Since my talk, I have been approached by numerous individuals from diverse backgrounds, each with their own unique experiences and questions. This blog serves as my initial attempt to gather my thoughts in response to common themes raised by these people, who have various questions such as “Could a psychedelic experience help with this or that?”, “What should I be looking for when considering a psychedelic retreat or guide?”, “How can I sit for a friend or loved one?” or “How can I prepare to work within the psychedelic space?”

Like those initial voice notes, this blog is a first attempt for me to gather my thoughts in writing and it may eventually serve as a foundation for a book, so I kindly request that you do not share it with anyone, particularly narcissistic individuals within the psychedelic space, as you know how much I dislike many of them : )

Initially, I will only share the posts with my nearest and dearest, many of whom have played vital roles within and have consequently suffered as a result of my restricted interest in psychedelics.

Today, I affectionately refer to you as the Fellowship of the Ring (more on that later). It is with deep gratitude to you all, that I commit my thoughts to paper, hoping that, at some point, I may offer something of interest or usefulness to you on your own medicine paths or at the very least to help you better understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours of this peculiar little individual, or “little cunt” as Debbie lovingly refers to me, in an attempt to keep me grounded.

I love you all, most of the time

Nurse Jo